Bath Shyness. A chronic condition often suffered by users of public transport. The symptoms are a pungent, nauseating odour, and an attraction to the empty seat next to you. It is possible to hold your breath for 23 minutes.
Buckfast Tonic Wine. A concoction made by poaching recently interred Glaswegians in warm tetrahydrofuran over a several week period. This process is undertaken by a secretive order of monks in Devon. The 17th most toxic substance known.
Contemporary Lateral Living Space. A flat or apartment, as sold by the type of estate agent who fill their receptions with enough bottles of water to have reduced mean sea level by several centimeters. Evidently a common complaint from house hunters isn't "how much!" or "but it's falling down" but rather "I'm thirsty, if only you had a bottle of chilled spring water I'd happily hand you several thousand pounds".
Head Jam. Toxic substance that oozes from the heads of public transport users. Usually found smeared on train and bus windows. The 22nd most toxic substance known. Exuded in quantity by the Bath Shy (cf).
Isle of Thanet. Area of Kent since annexed as a new coastal province of Belgium.
Regent Quarter. A popular London cocktail. Two parts Buckfast, two parts Chateauneuf du Pape, and a splash of dandelion and burdock, shaken over ice.
Smut Foraging. [Archaic] Popular seventies pastime of searching roadside verges for discarded pornography.
Thump Juice. An alternative and more apt name for Stella Artois or other high-strength industrial lager beverages.
