There is sadly a darker truth to the story of Paddington. His claim to have arrived on the train was nothing more than a shabby lie designed to cover his true intentions. Paddington, as we now know, entered the country illegally on flight to Heathrow and made his way to central London on the Heathrow Express. It had to be left to one of our most popular newspapers to tenaciously investigate and unearth the truth. Yes, the fearless and peerless Daily Mail came through and delivered that scoop. And it got worse, it turned out that Paddington didn't just come to UK illegally, he was a mule (or rather, bear) for the Peruvian marmalade cartels, carrying a sticky stash of high grade, thick cut orange marmalade under his hat. That’s the real deal. Well, I may have made it up, which is co-incidentally what the Daily Mail does most of the time.
So from Paddington you can go as far as deepest, darkest south Wales, which doesn’t have any remaining bears, just the occasional hirsute Welshman who you may mistake for one. Trains also seek out Bristol and the West Country. West country folk drink cider and talk slowly, facts that probably aren’t entirely unrelated. Some talk so slowly that they are still finishing sentences that begin in the 70s. Generally, they stay away from London, as combine harvesters aren’t an acceptable means of getting around a modern metropolis, nor are they exempt from the congestion charge. Paddington also brings in the people of Berkshire, which given the quirky American-befuddling pronunciation, and presence of the neodynium tourist magnet that is Windsor, sounds quite pleasant. To anyone that hasn’t seen the popular Sky 3 programme Roadwars, that is, or hasn’t been to either Slough or Reading. And if you’ve not been to either, keep it that way.
